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I’m writing today as one recently swept up in the modest virality of a video interview that was made, serendipitously, earlier this summer. 

TimeStamp, the originators’ handle, posted the video they titled (with a quote from the interview) “All I had to do was let go of my fear” 3 days ago. Yesterday morning I heard from my cousin in Durham, NC that his massage therapist had seen it while working out at the gym. Steve let me know I’m now famous. Ever since, I’ve been obsessively checking YouTube to gauge exactly how famous I’ve become.

When I went to bed last night, 8.4K people had viewed “All I had to do was let go of my fear.” When I woke up, the video had been seen by more than 10,000. As of this moment, the video has surpassed 11,000 views. One wonders, does that number include people who watched the entire 14+ minutes? Or, does it also count those, who like me, click and watch for a few seconds? (I can’t seem to get enough of what I have to report about my process!) In any case, those big numbers are thrilling, and the way they mount up is mesmerizing.

I can only imagine what it must be like to be Taylor Swift, or that one who until she got engaged to her boyfriend, didn’t think she was hot anymore and posted tweets to that effect to see how many Likes he could get. How easy to substitute virtual success for the actual magic of being present in life! I trust “this too will pass,” and will enjoy it, whatever it is, for the time being.

I do appreciate that the content of the video has touched viewers enough to leave comments. As always, I’m gratified to know that my life experiences have been meaningful in how they inspire others.  I’ve had several people who’ve read my books tell me they will pitch my story to filmmakers they know in Hollywood. I already have a great title: Clergygirl: Confessions of a Holy Terror. I could promise them racy scenes from my sordid past, although they would appear as nothing  compared to what’s available even in PG-13 rated films these days.

That said, I could also promise hope, healing and reconciliation of childhood (and adult) trauma. These are not story lines that garner flashy headlines these days; yet, this is the truth of my daily existence: Don’t be satisfied with anything less than freedom from your own limited self.

If the title of the video makes letting go of fear seem a lot easier than I have lived it, please know I don’t want to minimize the inherent challenges. One viewer wrote to me this morning a comment that touches me deeply: “I feel respect for all the risks you must have taken to arrive at your present freedom.” I realize I don’t always appreciate the many risks I’ve taken. I’ve lost a lot to gain what I have—and know there will be other losses as well as other gains. 

Facing fears and transcending them is, like they say about getting old, not for sissies; yet, that’s the point, actually—we’re not created to be sissies! Indeed, we have hearts built for courage. If we use them properly, our hearts lead us through our fears and show us the Something More that’s already within us. As Joseph Campbell wisely suggested, “Follow your bliss!” And it may take you to places more wondrous than you ever dreamed of being.

Thanks for reading (and watching)! Time once again to indulge my new friend, the YouTube algorithm. And, then, go make some art!

Ellie

P.S. Viewership is around 16, 000 now. I'm gratified to read the comments and respond sometimes. Whew! Painting is good too!

P.P.S. Since posting this last week, the video has garnered more than 26K viewers (as of 9/1/25)! Other later-life artists are reaching out to connect. This is a good thing!